privacy policy or the lack of it

Written by Moe on August 29, 2007 | 3 Comments

A few months ago I signed up for a SharedReviews beta account. The idea behind the site is to get solid reviews of products and pay the community 50/50 on certain revenue. Sounds pretty cool huh? Well it may be but as I was signing up I came across the privacy policy. Usually I just breeze through it but I decided to read this one.

“We protect your privacy with a passion!”

First, I want to say that I think ShareReviews is a cool site and I hope their business model works out. However, the privacy policy was kind of weird. It was actually amusing. Why do sites even have privacy policies? They should just come out and say “Yea, we’ll use your information for whatever we damn well please.” Below are some lines right of the policy.

“For the purposes of this policy, “Personal Information” means any information about you except your business title, address, e-mail address, telephone number or facsimile number. It also does not include your home address and telephone number if these are published in a telephone or other directory, and does not include any Review, content or other materials that you post or submit to use for possible publication. “

Umm….so what else is there? What exactly is private then?

“We do not sell your Personal Information to third parties. We may share some or all of your Personal Information with our third party business partners”

Hmmm ok. I shouldn’t be surprised. It’s a “review” site and to make money they are probably selling data. For that data to be worth anything they have to include user data with it. So why throw in the line about “we protect your privacy with a passion.” Half the business model is actually based upon doing the exact opposite.

Most users caring less is the worst part. We’ll go crazy if a telemarketer calls our house but we don’t blink while registering for a new site. Personally, I’m not against a website data mining to show relevant ads. Let’s take facebook for example. They will look at your profile and use that to display an advertisement. An advertiser will pay more to know that their ad is getting to their target demographic. I’m fine with that. I’m going to see an ad anyway, might as well see one that I might actually like. That’s how Google makes all their money.

What I don’t like is when companies sell information they collect. To me thats like selling hot pictures your ex girlfriend took for you. The ones she would dress up like a tiger and act like she is…ok getting off topic. The pictures were meant for you not the public or your favorite “rate this chick” website. Just because you don’t care about her anymore doesn’t mean you should go and sell something she wouldn’t want sold. However, let’s say you analyze the pictures. After hours of analyzing, and frequent naps, you say to yourself “hey i bet she would really like this lingerie site.” You contact her the usual way you two communicate and let her know that you are an affiliate for an animal lingerie site. Nothing wrong with that, right?

Posted in Business, Life Stuff, Satire, Web

3 Comments

world peace

Written by Moe on August 20, 2006 | 1 Comment

Some see world peace is a myth, others perceive it as the solution for most (if not all) of the world’s problems. A few hold both opinions true and regard world peace as a myth to problems with no solutions. An even smaller group believe world peace are the words “world” and “peace” used respectfully after each other to assemble a phrase, or maybe sentence, that should only be used in books made for the dead, the guy who wrote Tuesday With Morrie or the authors of He Isn’t That Into You. Contrary to popular belief, world peace is possible and has even been accomplished on a different planet. Although the planet’s inhabitants have all been destroyed, a sad but amusing irony, notes concerning their world peace era have been found and decrypted. A translation is below. The translators notes will be in italics to aid the reader in understanding the translation.

The solution to world peace has been found like a black cat is found in a dark room. Completely by accident and, at first, fought back with a few kicks to the heads. It appears their cats had more then one head but, as far our research shows, still nine lives. This great achievement can not be credited to peace activist, world leaders, or any other gimbling for that matter. A gibling is what we could call a human. Before the great awakening the gibling rabk was in a horrible state. Rabk means race, but not like a race that you run but more a race of people. This is kind of consfusing, I see why the giblings went with rabk. Two key aspects led to the achievement of world peace; survival and hate. On the fourth moon of the 23 month a startling discorey was made by Canadian scientist. Is it more ironic that the giblings had a group of people called Canadians or that these Canadians did something important? The world stood still as the scientist described an alien species which was planning an attack on gblith. Gblith was what they called their planet. Gblings at first paniced but soon came together to fight a common enemey. That is all we needed. All the giblings needed a common enemy to direct their hate towards. Turns our the Jedi were wrong all this time, hate can be used for good. A enemy of my enemy is my friend. Yes, the jedi are real. Wars in the Right West soon stopped and a global g-unti miltary was made. Racist from green to purple came together by directing their hate to the alien aggressors. Borders were knocked down and poor countries were given aid to prepare for the oncoming attack. In the last few years the world has seen peace that most have never imagined. Giblings no longer kill each other over religion because most fear they might die soon and hence are religious. We stand together to fight a common enemy, quite similar to how our coutnry stood next to one of our old bitter enemy, the Hastins, during the Warm War. We are ready and will not be defeated. Not now, not at the pinnacle or our existence. Surely not to the alien creatures who are in the exact opposite state as we are.

An alien species that is riddled with class struggle. Where a small percentage of their population use the largest amount of resources. Where more people have been killed in the name of their Invisble Man then any other reason. They refer the Invisble Man as we refer to God. A species that lets fifteen million children die each year from hunger. We will not lose, we can not lose.

Below is a note found a year into the war

We are going to lose. I can’t believe this. Seriously, the pure irony of it makes me realize that the Invisble Man has a twisted sense of humor. Oh my Invisible Man. The Gibling rabk is finished and for what? It seems the aliens are here for our black water. I curse our oceans but more these horrid aliens. A heartless people who destoryed our world, all the giblings, for nothing more then a resource. We do not know the exact location of their home planet but do know it is somewhere between mars and venus in in a distant galaxy. Oh Invisble Man help us.

Posted in Politics, Satire

1 Comment

S.O.A.P.

Written by Aaron on August 17, 2006 | No Comments

It’s here well… here rather.

Go see it tonight!

Go Go GO!

Me and some friends are hittin’ the 10:00 show if any of y’all wanna meet up.

Posted in Life Stuff, Movies, Satire

No Comments

SOAP

Written by Moe on August 10, 2006 | 4 Comments

Have you ever watched a movie that is so bad it is good? The serious films that have such bad acting and story line that you can’t help laughing. Think of any scene in a Jean Calude Van Damme movie where he is not fighting. This also works with Governor of California, Steven Segal, and Schindler’s list. Well Snakes On A Plane is going to be that good by being that bad. I personally am quite excited that the movie comes out in less then two weeks. I want to show up to the theaters hours early, wearing a t-shirt of Samuel L Jackson fighting a snake.

“Yes hello I would like to buy a ticket for the first showing of SOAP”

“SOAP?”

“Um mm Snakes On A Plane, wow I can’t believe you work here”

“Wait, so you are saying SOAP like people say LOTR? First of all, you said the word soap and expected me to know.”
“Why did you use the phrase ‘first of all’ when there wasn’t a second?”

“Just take your tickets”

“Thank you. Where is the line?”

“What line?”

“for SOAP”

“There isn’t a line.”

“Am I to understand that I will be beginning the line?”

“No, you are to understand that there is not a line”

“Where…is….the….fucking….line. I know what you are doing. You don’t want me to see this movie or get bad seats because all the other fans. You bitch. Fine, you know what. I am going to go get a snake and throw it in that booth….then we’ll see if you respect Sam the Man in SOAP”

Sorry I got a bit carried away with that. Yea, so the movie is going to be great. At some point of the movie Samuel Jackson says, “I’m tired of these fucking snakes on this fucking plane.” Please visit the official website for snakes on a plane at, snakesonaplane.com. Yes, I couldn’t believe that the URL was available either. It gets better. There is actually a music video for SOAP. Let me give you some of the lyrics.

Snakes on a Plane (BRING IT)

Times are strange
We got a free upgrade for
snakes on a plane.
Fuck em, I don’t care.
Bought the cheap champagne,
we’re going down in flames, hey.

Oh, I’m ready for it
Come on, bring it.
Oh, I’m ready for it
Come on, bring it.
Oh, I’m ready for it
Come on, bring it.
Oh, I’m ready for it
Come on, bring it.

Watching this movie will be the turning point of your life. Until now you were living, waiting for the moment that defines you. You did not expect it to be Samuel L Jackson on a plane with a bunch of snakes, but then again you didn’t expect the new Star Wars movies to suck either..yes i said it! This movie will be the pinnacle, paramount experience of your life. We as a society need to get our priorities straight. Who cares that over 1000 civilians have died in Lebanon, the seemingly unending war in the Ivory coast…oh wait Americans don’t care… Ok….um how about. Instead of watching the “the hills” we go watch SOAP. I heard that chick broke up with that Jason dude…fucking crazy.

Posted in Entertainment, Life Stuff, Movies, Satire

4 Comments

Gamers-The movie

Written by Aaron on July 13, 2006 | 1 Comment

Finally, a movie for my people…the D&D geek.

The reviews and clips make me indescribably excited to see the movie. Which explains why I purchased it.

After purchasing the movie, the funniest thing happened: I was sent this thank you mail from the writer and director-

“

Aaron Adams your sir are a rock star.Thanks so much for ordering the movie “Gamers” We really appreciate it.

Now it may have been a form letter…it may have even been automated… But Amazon and BestBuy.com have never called me a rock star! 

Thank you Mr. Folino, I assure you that you also are a Rock Star!

I will be posting a review of the movie as soon as it arrives, but if it is even half as good as the trailers imply then I will be able to confirm it as “Spinal Tap for Geeks”.

Posted in Entertainment, Life Stuff, Movies, Satire

1 Comment

“Plug” the beer bong, a bit suspicious

Written by Moe on May 14, 2006 | 5 Comments

Saturday was a fun filled day. I woke up and read a good portion of Star Wars, Heir to the Empire. Yes I am reading a Star Wars novel, and no I don’t feel ashamed one bit. If you, for some reason, feel I should be ashamed and want to pass judgment on me, Beware the Ides of March my friend. After I finish the series and complete my Jedi training, I will turn to the dark side and find you. I can see the scene now…

You: Ohh No! I was just joking

Me: It is too late, you must suffer the consequences

You: What are you going to do…no no….not the judo chop

Me: Yes yes, the judo chop

Judo Chop is performed by me onto you. This leads to you dying and my glory. The dialgoue is really funny if you imagine Cartman from South Park doing the voices. Read it again, you’ll see.

After reading for a while I took a shower and headed down to Jon’s graduation lunch. Now this isn’t any kind of graduation lunch, this is one hosted by Amy’s (Jon’s wife) family. Food, food and more food. Delicious burritos, cheese enchiladas and a variety of drinks (no not drink drinks). Desert was even better. There was brownies, cookies and ice cream with warm hot fudge. I got full and came home to vegetate for a while. After taking a short “cat nap” I headed out to the gym to work out and play some basketball. I know most people don’t enjoy working out and see it as chore, but I honestly enjoy trying to improve my body. Sticking to a work out schedule builds discipline, patience, and other good characteristics. Oh yea, it might help you live longer too.

After the gym I shower, eat dinner and listen to my mom complain about my hair (its quite “puffy” these days). Mike calls me up and we head out to Frank’s (the tank) birthday festivities. Although I only stayed there for an hour in a half I did notice something quite particular. After all these years of parties I finally realized how the whole beer bong scene rides the queer fence (nothing against homosexuals). Let me explain.

So there is this 14 foot long pipe that has white foam flowing through it. A guy gets down on his knees and puts one end of the pipe in his mouth. Now the game is to swallow as much of the white foam as possible without gagging or spitting it out. While you are doing this your other comrades are cheering you on. When you can’t take any more you pull the pipe out of your mouth and lob white foam in the air. Your comrades cheer you and you bask in glory. Maybe it’s just me, but that has gay fantasy written all over it. I have a nagging suspicion this “beer bong” ritual goes back to Greek and Roman times when men plugged away at each other all the time. Again, nothing against gay guys that “love to plug.”

Posted in Life Stuff, Satire

5 Comments

Girls and Investments

Written by Moe on April 13, 2006 | 3 Comments

Moe:

You’re like a mutual fund. Basically, a slow steady investment without the big risk. Other girls are day trades. Short gains, alot of risks, and ofcourse alot of loses. You gotta spend the time watching the ticker, a huge investment in time. Not to mention you got to pay the short gains taxes. They always fuck you with the taxes. First its a one month anniversary, then a 3 month, then first kiss, it never stops.

Reena:

You see those as taxes?

Moe:

Well yea, what’s a tax anyway? “Charge against a citizen’s person or property or activity for the support of government.” A guy is the citizen, in this case, and the girl is the government. When he gets with these day trade girls what happens?

Reena:

Is that a rhetorical question?

Moe:

Is your question a rhetorical question?

Reena:

Is your…

Moe:

Ok shut up and listen. Well, the guy being the citizen has to give up his property and that is evident. His stuff becomes her stuff, his car is her car, she leaves she can even take half if he was stupid enough to marry her. Then there is activity, and we all know that day trades take up all your time. I.E you don’t get to hang out with the fellas anymore cause you are too busy with taxes.

Reena:

What about a prenup?

Moe:

Ahh yes the prenup. We all cheat on our taxes, this way when you get caught you just don’t get hurt as much. The prenup is just turning everything from outright robbery to white coller embezzlement.

Reena:

You have really thought this out haven’t you?

Moe (not paying attention and drifting off)

But you have to love the day trade. Aggressive, dirty, quick cash. You buy it low and sell high, just thinking about it makes me want to go down to Wall Street.

Reena:

Wall Street?

Moe:

You know. The best of the best of all the nightclubs.

Reena:

Is it a place? Why is it called Wall Street?

Moe:

Naw, it’s all the clubs of certain caliber. The place where you buy and trade. Everyone is in the same room, yelling and trying to sell themselves or buy someone else.

Reena:

And you wonder why right minded girls won’t touch you?

Posted in Entertainment, Satire

3 Comments

Profiling

Written by Moe on January 11, 2006 | No Comments

What happened:

A award-winning Indian film-maker has sued the city of New York after police stopped him from filming in the street.

- Indian film-maker sues New York

His reaction:

“I co-operated with them and answered all their questions, but they treated me like a criminal. It was wrong, and I was scared and humiliated”

Him:

My Comments:

I want to start by stating that I do not support profiling at all that much. So he is brown, doesn’t have a permit, is in New York City taping transportation services (probably quite professionally), and looks like that! The guy didn’t think that maybe, just maybe he might be taken the wrong way? That is like a black guy getting mad when he doesn’t get a loan or a Mexican guy growing angry if randomly asked for fresh produce. Or maybe to lift some old boxes (for a few nickels) that were in your backyard. I mean, you understand the fact that you have been neighbors with Alberto for years; met his family even watched a few football games together. But come on, work is work.

Back to Sexy Sharma (yes ladies beards are back). What was he thinking! You can’t be brown, have a beard, and a camera! My God! Isn’t that why we extended the Patriot Act? I’ll have him know that the NYPD is by far the largest equal opportunity provider in the country. They arrest more blacks, Mexicans, or any other shade of brown people then any other police force in the world. Not only do they arrest them but I am sure they verbally assault them all the same. Do not worry Sexy Sharma; you were treated as any brown bearded person is these days, as a combatant force against the light of freedom named America. Maybe, an evil axis power against the war on terror. The Devil’s Shepard that is enraged by the freedom possessed by a country of intelligent, under weight, humble, well mannered, morally strong human beings and or pets.

Let me apologize for the Mexican and Black comment. Please do not stab/shoot or rob me. The terrorist jokes are okay because I am Muslim. Not saying that Muslims are terrorist but that, you know. It is like when a black guy says “Nigga” or calls his girl “my bitch”. Wait no this is all coming out wrong. What I am trying to say is that….I just saved a bunch of money by switching to Gecio. I know its random and off topic, but what would you do if you were sleeping and that fucking gecko crawled up on your bed with that sign. I would freaking cry.

Posted in Life Stuff, Satire

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Fourth Grade: The beginning of the end

Written by Moe on January 9, 2006 | No Comments

I had my whole life planned out and not a care in the world. I was living the high life; no worries, no responsibilities, no nothing. Then came fourth grade, and with it Katrina Walters. Before fourth grade and Ms. Walters (I doubt she is still is Ms), my goals were small and easily attainable.

• Get more Oreos for lunch

• Get a basketball before recess

• Convince my mom and dad that the latest gaming system is well worth the money.

Every new day was a shot to cross out two of three goals. Waking up and realizing such opportunity fills a man with spirit and strength that he will only wake to a few times in his future. I was living the high life. Well, as high as a four foot kid could.

I remember it well. My teacher, Mrs. Bolden, was rewarding the class by letting us watch a movie for a few days. We had just completed our latest math adventure, multiplication. Although I learned how to multiply, the greater lesson was incentive. Mrs. Bolden had set up an interesting incentive program to induce her students to do learn times tables. Yes you guessed it, sundaes. Do you know why parents tell their children not to take candy or ice cream from strangers? They know that children will do for ice cream and candy what many adults do for fortune and fame. Just about anything and more often anyone. When you are young ice cream and candy are gold, it is the greatest of desires. Well that, and getting a basketball for lunch recess. Mrs. Bolden used this to her advantage.

The Sundae Program

• Each student started out with a banana and was rewarded with a scoop of ice cream, cherry, chocolate syrup, and etc every time he or she passed a test.

• Each student’s sundae progress was displayed on the wall as a constant reminder of their chase for the chocolate chalice.

What went wrong? Well, the students began to group themselves by their sundae progress. We did not judge each other on race, class or gender. We classified each other by chocolate scoops, sprinkles, cherries, and of course whip cream. The wall of progress was a constant reminder that some kids were just better then others. The day we got our sundaes, all the students sat with their groups. It made sense. I had a friend named Travis, and Travis was dumb. I don’t mean dumb as he didn’t try, I mean hooked on phonics dumb. Travis only had a banana and a scoop of ice cream. The boy could multiply by 0 and 1 (probably dominates binary). I myself did pretty well and had a huge sundae. First, sharing was out of the question. That sundae was my spoils and to be enjoyed alone! Now, how could I take my huge sundae and go sit next to Travis? That wouldn’t be right. Consequently I sat with the other kids that did well. We ate our sundaes and made fun of the kids that had less. That is when it happened.

I’m sitting there eating my sundae, quite possibly living the pinnacle moment of my life. Someone taps my shoulder and hands me a note.

Do you like Katrina Walters?

• Yes

• No

I didn’t know Katrina that well. Actually I didn’t know her at all. I never even thought about girls. However, I looked over to where she was sitting and saw a group of girls giggling. It may have been the devil’s work, but I checked “yes.” It was kind of like the Matrix. When Neo is sitting there and he is offered the red pill or blue pill. I wanted to see how deep this rabbit hole went (that metaphor is funny on so many levels).

Everything changed! My goals got screwed up. Now I had to share my lunch so the extra Oreos were out the equation. I had to share my soda half the time. Playing basketball was hard enough during recess, let alone getting a basketball. Now I had to show up near the swings and write little notes back and forth. I thought it couldn’t get worse. Sadly, it was just the beginning of the end. Jr High, Highschool, College, and their after were soon to come.

Posted in Life Stuff, Satire

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On The Wings of Terror

Written by Moe on November 15, 2005 | No Comments

So I read the National Strategy for Pandemic Influenza. Below is a satire version of the President’s Letter. It is all in good fun so don’t get angry. However if you do, then do comment so i can enjoy it more.

My fellow Americans,

Once again, the terrorist threat has presented us with a daunting challenge: the possibility of an influenza pandemic. Most of us are accustomed to seasonal influenza, or “the flu,” a viral infection that continues to be a significant public health challenge. From time to time, changes in the influenza virus result in a new strain to which people have never been exposed. These new strains have the potential to sweep the globe, causing millions of illnesses, in what is called a pandemic or what I like to call “usma bin demic.”

A new strain of influenza virus has been found in birds in Asia, and has shown that it can infect humans. If this virus undergoes further change, it could very well result in the next human pandemic. I have reviewed the intelligence reports from the CIA and, as your leader, am making decisions that will protect you. With the reports and my conversations with the God, I am confident when saying these birds are a direct opposition against the war on terror. Now, I know what you are thinking America. How did these birds fall to the evil empire of terror? Ask yourself this Americans, my loyal servants, has your windshield been attacked by the bird “doo doo” as of late? Have you been paying more for car washes as of late? My staff has shown me graphs and pop-up books that link the bird “doo doo” to the devastating high gas prices.

We have an opportunity to prepare ourselves, our Nation, and our world to fight this potentially devastating outbreak of infectious disease. We must hunt and “smoke out” these birds from any caves they might be in. We must treat the countries that protect these birds as the birds themselves. We can not let them fly on the wings of terror any longer, we must crusade!

The National Strategy for Pandemic Influenza presents our approach to address the threat of this new horrid act of terror. It outlines how we intend to prepare, detect, and respond to “usma bin demic.” It also outlines the important roles to be played not only by the Federal government, but also by State and local governments, private industry, our international partners, and most importantly individual citizens, including you and your families. We plan to take the war to these birds; we plan to take the war to Asia and Asians within our country. During the Second Great War our country built and maintained “concentration camps”, and I plan to bring them back America. I plan to concentrate on this problem America, but not too long because I will get a headache and have to take a bit of a cat-nap.

While your government will do much to prepare for a pandemic, individual action and individual responsibility are necessary for the success of any measures. Not only should you take action to protect yourself and your families, you should also take action to prevent the spread of influenza if you or anyone in your family becomes ill.

Together we will confront this emerging threat and together, as Americans, we will be prepared to protect our families, our communities, this great Nation, and our world.

GEORGE W. BUSH
THE WHITE HOUSE
November 1, 2005

Posted in Satire

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