BadPopcorn » Male Restroom Etiquette

Male Restroom Etiquette

Written by Aaron on September 18, 2006 |

Now some of you ( I speak as if we get hunderds of thousands of hits a day, I assure you I do this lightheartedly ), some of you may not know of my great respect for the concept of restroom etiquette.

Let me tell you a little story…it will be uncomfortable, but in the end, I feel we will come through the fires of ignorance wiser for our suffering.

I loaned “Ong Bak” to a co-worker, at the time I thought it a harmless gesture, sharing a great movie, building both a rappor with a co-worker, and possibly building the audiance and following for an incredible matrial arts/action pic that really deserves success. I had not a clue what I was opening the door to…

How does this connect to Restroom Etiquette you might ask? Well…the short answer is “Tragically” but the long and more disturbing answer follows…I warn you…If you be weak of heart–or stomach!– do not continue reading, simply go about your life knowing that I have saved you from a terrible and possibly Fatal Knoweledge:

Shortly after loaning out the movie, I was in the restroom, evacuating my bladder, when the aforementioned co-worker walked in and took up residence at the urinal next to me. This was a sign of bad things to come, but I was at full flow at the time and could not simply stop, zip, and leave. This is when Male Restroom Etiquette was absolutely destroyed in a situation the perfectly describes every reason that said etiquette MUST exist.

He spoke…and the conversation–a conversation which could have un-made existence mind you– is included here.

Co-Worker: Hey, Aaron, How’s it going?

Me: *reluctant* Oh. Hey. (If one is forced to speak in the Men’s Room, one must speak in one word sentences whenever possible)

Co-Worker: So do you have any more of those movies with that guy in them?…He is amazing!

Me:… (WhatTheFuck!? Oh shit! he means Ong Bak! Does he have any clue what that sounded like?! This is the Men’s Room for Fuck’s sake!) Oh. Uhhh. Nah.

Co-Worker: Do you have anything else that’s like it ya’know because that was incredible! I had to rewind and rewatch every scene a second time because it was soo unbelievable…

Me:… I got some old Jackie Chan stuff. (Gawd this is uncomfortable. Please just let my head explode now…killing me so that this does not continue)

Co-Worker: Oh like from when he was young?

Me: Uh…Yeah (How in the hell does this keep getting worse!? “Like from when he was young?” How fuckin’ creepy does that shound?!)

I feel the need to point out that we were not alone in the restroom…there was at least one other occupant there at the time!

____

I have no recollectioin of the end of this conversation. My theory is that I went catatonic and he left without knowing his crime…and might not know to this day…why it is that he must burn eternally in the hottest pit of hell.

Yeah…Restroom Etiquette…Please remember…people who talk in teh Men’s Room make baby Jesus cry…

Close Bookmark and Share This Page

Save to Browser Favorites / Bookmarks