SOAP

Written by Moe on August 10, 2006 |

Have you ever watched a movie that is so bad it is good? The serious films that have such bad acting and story line that you can’t help laughing. Think of any scene in a Jean Calude Van Damme movie where he is not fighting. This also works with Governor of California, Steven Segal, and Schindler’s list. Well Snakes On A Plane is going to be that good by being that bad. I personally am quite excited that the movie comes out in less then two weeks. I want to show up to the theaters hours early, wearing a t-shirt of Samuel L Jackson fighting a snake.

“Yes hello I would like to buy a ticket for the first showing of SOAP”

“SOAP?”

“Um mm Snakes On A Plane, wow I can’t believe you work here”

“Wait, so you are saying SOAP like people say LOTR? First of all, you said the word soap and expected me to know.”
“Why did you use the phrase ‘first of all’ when there wasn’t a second?”

“Just take your tickets”

“Thank you. Where is the line?”

“What line?”

“for SOAP”

“There isn’t a line.”

“Am I to understand that I will be beginning the line?”

“No, you are to understand that there is not a line”

“Where…is….the….fucking….line. I know what you are doing. You don’t want me to see this movie or get bad seats because all the other fans. You bitch. Fine, you know what. I am going to go get a snake and throw it in that booth….then we’ll see if you respect Sam the Man in SOAP”

Sorry I got a bit carried away with that. Yea, so the movie is going to be great. At some point of the movie Samuel Jackson says, “I’m tired of these fucking snakes on this fucking plane.” Please visit the official website for snakes on a plane at, snakesonaplane.com. Yes, I couldn’t believe that the URL was available either. It gets better. There is actually a music video for SOAP. Let me give you some of the lyrics.

Snakes on a Plane (BRING IT)

Times are strange
We got a free upgrade for
snakes on a plane.
Fuck em, I don’t care.
Bought the cheap champagne,
we’re going down in flames, hey.

Oh, I’m ready for it
Come on, bring it.
Oh, I’m ready for it
Come on, bring it.
Oh, I’m ready for it
Come on, bring it.
Oh, I’m ready for it
Come on, bring it.

Watching this movie will be the turning point of your life. Until now you were living, waiting for the moment that defines you. You did not expect it to be Samuel L Jackson on a plane with a bunch of snakes, but then again you didn’t expect the new Star Wars movies to suck either..yes i said it! This movie will be the pinnacle, paramount experience of your life. We as a society need to get our priorities straight. Who cares that over 1000 civilians have died in Lebanon, the seemingly unending war in the Ivory coast…oh wait Americans don’t care… Ok….um how about. Instead of watching the “the hills” we go watch SOAP. I heard that chick broke up with that Jason dude…fucking crazy.

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Posted in Entertainment, Life Stuff, Movies, Satire