So He Loves The Cock, Big Deal

Written by Moe on November 23, 2005 | 3 Comments

I recently read Battle lines drawn over Vatican stance on gays off the Reuters website. Yes it was the same old babble but I still read it. Why? I am a nerd and do things like that. Anyway, there was some hilarious lines in the article that I threw down below.

The policy, drafted to deal with scandals over pedophile priests that erupted in Boston in 2002 and spread across the United States, says the Church can admit those who have clearly overcome homosexual tendencies for at least three years.

But practicing homosexuals and those with “deep-seated” gay tendencies and those who support a gay culture should be barred, it said. Conservatives in the Roman Catholic Church and in other religions welcomed the stand.

So three years huh. You think they will open a Gay Rehab? Sounds like a great reality TV Show to me! The conversations between patients in this Rehab clinic would be hilarious!

- “How long you been clean”

- “About 2 years”

- “Wow, cold turkey?”

- “Naw, I used the patch.”

- “The patch?”

- “Yea, you got to cycle off of it or you just can’t win.”

- “I knew that was my problem, every three months Im back on the cock”

- “Been there done that man”

- “So what is this patch?”

- “Well its not really what, but who”

- “Ohhh, daddy like…daddy like”

Although the above joke might make it seem like I do, I do not have anything against Gay guys. I hate lesbians.

Let us first examine the changes in a straight guy’s life if another man turns gay.

• The percentages of the straight guy getting a girl increases since he has one less guy to compete with.

• He could possibly be assisted by a fashionable gay guy, like the ones on queer eye for a straight guy, when in a clothing store. This happened to me once and I got myself a tie that looks great with my suit

Now let us examine the changes in a straight guy’s life if a chick becomes a lesbian.

• His percentages of getting with a girl decrease, and not just one for one. It is quite similar to a four-point switch in basketball.

When a team misses a scoring opportunity, which directly leads to the other team scoring. If the missed shot is taken into account the other team did not gain 2 points but rather 4. Hence, a 4 point switch.

This is exactly what happens when a girl becomes a lesbian. She not only decreases your chances of getting a girl (since the number of straight girls decreased) she also became a competitor. And what a competitor she is! She has home field advantage and knows exactly what a girl wants.

We as straight guys have been deceived! By who you ask? The liberal porn industry for one. When we were in the wilds of our youth we were duped by hot girls in bed together. Sure it is cool thinking, “two times everything”, but in reality it was only brain washesing are young minds. This is why many guys think lesbians are cool, when in fact they are the enemy! Also, I have a nagging suspicion that the video girls are not gay. A co-worker of mine, Tony Shih, is starting a research project where he will dedicate hours of his day to examining these videos for their authenticity. I was quite surprised by his enthusiasm. He has not missed a single beat, spending most of his time and money on these videos. Although he has not given me a status update he has replied with a simple quote, which ensures me of his dedication to reveal the truth.

“I have watched many videos, some countless times over.”

If you would like Tony’s home number, address, email, pictures, or any other means of getting to know him and his project better, please just ask.

Straight women are also faced with the same problem, well I suppose an inverse of the problem. However, they do not waste their time hating gay women. Why? They are too busy hating each other.

So He Loves The Cock, Big Deal

If a guy wants to be gay, don’t hate on him. Encourage him in fact. It only helps your life. Even if you are religious, by comparison you are not as bad of a guy. I am certain when you are judged for your sins it will be quite different.

“This guy is horrible. He hooked up with random girls (most quite ugly), was a drunk, stole, cheated, and lied on every opportunity. However, in comparison he isn’t a cocksucker like all those others…what the hell, let him in heaven”

3 Comments

1. Moe you need therapy…therapy and a spellchecker.

   Now that I’ve gotten that bit out of the way…you are a genius and a poet good sir.

   Comment by Aaron — November 23, 2005 @ 6:24 pm

2. I am speechless. Very interesting points. Still speechless that Moe posted these musings.

   Comment by Ben — November 23, 2005 @ 10:16 pm

3. lesbians have no clue as to what girls want, they are confused abt women just as much as straight guys! Those in the know are the GAY men! Every girl wants a gay guy: you want your man sensitive, funny, understanding, and a damn good dresser-so for all you boys,and for you moe, stop chasing girls, just learn how to be a little gay and they’ll flock to you

   Comment by unknown — November 28, 2005 @ 3:13 pm

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