On The Wings of Terror

Written by Moe on November 15, 2005 | Comments Off

So I read the National Strategy for Pandemic Influenza. Below is a satire version of the President’s Letter. It is all in good fun so don’t get angry. However if you do, then do comment so i can enjoy it more.

My fellow Americans,

Once again, the terrorist threat has presented us with a daunting challenge: the possibility of an influenza pandemic. Most of us are accustomed to seasonal influenza, or “the flu,” a viral infection that continues to be a significant public health challenge. From time to time, changes in the influenza virus result in a new strain to which people have never been exposed. These new strains have the potential to sweep the globe, causing millions of illnesses, in what is called a pandemic or what I like to call “usma bin demic.”

A new strain of influenza virus has been found in birds in Asia, and has shown that it can infect humans. If this virus undergoes further change, it could very well result in the next human pandemic. I have reviewed the intelligence reports from the CIA and, as your leader, am making decisions that will protect you. With the reports and my conversations with the God, I am confident when saying these birds are a direct opposition against the war on terror. Now, I know what you are thinking America. How did these birds fall to the evil empire of terror? Ask yourself this Americans, my loyal servants, has your windshield been attacked by the bird “doo doo” as of late? Have you been paying more for car washes as of late? My staff has shown me graphs and pop-up books that link the bird “doo doo” to the devastating high gas prices.

We have an opportunity to prepare ourselves, our Nation, and our world to fight this potentially devastating outbreak of infectious disease. We must hunt and “smoke out” these birds from any caves they might be in. We must treat the countries that protect these birds as the birds themselves. We can not let them fly on the wings of terror any longer, we must crusade!

The National Strategy for Pandemic Influenza presents our approach to address the threat of this new horrid act of terror. It outlines how we intend to prepare, detect, and respond to “usma bin demic.” It also outlines the important roles to be played not only by the Federal government, but also by State and local governments, private industry, our international partners, and most importantly individual citizens, including you and your families. We plan to take the war to these birds; we plan to take the war to Asia and Asians within our country. During the Second Great War our country built and maintained “concentration camps”, and I plan to bring them back America. I plan to concentrate on this problem America, but not too long because I will get a headache and have to take a bit of a cat-nap.

While your government will do much to prepare for a pandemic, individual action and individual responsibility are necessary for the success of any measures. Not only should you take action to protect yourself and your families, you should also take action to prevent the spread of influenza if you or anyone in your family becomes ill.

Together we will confront this emerging threat and together, as Americans, we will be prepared to protect our families, our communities, this great Nation, and our world.

GEORGE W. BUSH
THE WHITE HOUSE
November 1, 2005

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