“Plug” the beer bong, a bit suspicious

Written by Moe on May 14, 2006 |

Saturday was a fun filled day. I woke up and read a good portion of Star Wars, Heir to the Empire. Yes I am reading a Star Wars novel, and no I don’t feel ashamed one bit. If you, for some reason, feel I should be ashamed and want to pass judgment on me, Beware the Ides of March my friend. After I finish the series and complete my Jedi training, I will turn to the dark side and find you. I can see the scene now…

You: Ohh No! I was just joking

Me: It is too late, you must suffer the consequences

You: What are you going to do…no no….not the judo chop

Me: Yes yes, the judo chop

Judo Chop is performed by me onto you. This leads to you dying and my glory. The dialgoue is really funny if you imagine Cartman from South Park doing the voices. Read it again, you’ll see.

After reading for a while I took a shower and headed down to Jon’s graduation lunch. Now this isn’t any kind of graduation lunch, this is one hosted by Amy’s (Jon’s wife) family. Food, food and more food. Delicious burritos, cheese enchiladas and a variety of drinks (no not drink drinks). Desert was even better. There was brownies, cookies and ice cream with warm hot fudge. I got full and came home to vegetate for a while. After taking a short “cat nap” I headed out to the gym to work out and play some basketball. I know most people don’t enjoy working out and see it as chore, but I honestly enjoy trying to improve my body. Sticking to a work out schedule builds discipline, patience, and other good characteristics. Oh yea, it might help you live longer too.

After the gym I shower, eat dinner and listen to my mom complain about my hair (its quite “puffy” these days). Mike calls me up and we head out to Frank’s (the tank) birthday festivities. Although I only stayed there for an hour in a half I did notice something quite particular. After all these years of parties I finally realized how the whole beer bong scene rides the queer fence (nothing against homosexuals). Let me explain.

So there is this 14 foot long pipe that has white foam flowing through it. A guy gets down on his knees and puts one end of the pipe in his mouth. Now the game is to swallow as much of the white foam as possible without gagging or spitting it out. While you are doing this your other comrades are cheering you on. When you can’t take any more you pull the pipe out of your mouth and lob white foam in the air. Your comrades cheer you and you bask in glory. Maybe it’s just me, but that has gay fantasy written all over it. I have a nagging suspicion this “beer bong” ritual goes back to Greek and Roman times when men plugged away at each other all the time. Again, nothing against gay guys that “love to plug.”

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Posted in Life Stuff, Satire